The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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