her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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