do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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