let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
