what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
