i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
