Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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