who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
