did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
