John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
