He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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