so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I deserve this hangover.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
