help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
