he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
