I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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