i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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