she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
