Please, let me fuck your mom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
