I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
