I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
