I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
