so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
