spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
