Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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