Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
