There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
