maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
