you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she peed on how many people?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
