Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
