hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
