this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
