hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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