My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
