Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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