4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
