ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize