Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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