i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, beer. Big fan.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
