I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
