Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
