Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
