Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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