I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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