I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
