Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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