The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
