You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
