Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
