you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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