Don't you send me to vm
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
