Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
