Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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