She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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