i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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