Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Found the puke drawer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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