I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
