happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
