I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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