Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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